A person who has addictions most often lacks self-esteem. Generally, although not always, this begins at childhood because of an abusive (and sometimes addict) parent. The young abused child will be drawn to the temptation of drugs and/or alcohol usually in the teen years in an effort to escape, numb, and block out their negative thoughts, insecurities, fears, and bad memories.
Soon after other issues will become a part of their life and patterns will form involving lying and denial so he can continue his addictions. One recovering addict said, "I realized I was in complete denial. I am tired of being seen as a liar. Memories of my distant past showed me I have been doing lies for a long time. I am worried about the real love I found with my new woman being lost and the lies controlling me and steering me away from this great love."
The addict's insecurities could increase to include a fear a love, feeling he does not deserve happiness and love, doubt, paranoia, lack of trust, selfishness, refusal to admit his addiction and to accept blame for his bad choices, fear of success, and a fear of failure. One recovering addict admitted to being afraid to try recovering again because he feared "failing" at it again. He did not understand that there is never any failure in effort and trying.
The addict will shut himself away in his self-made prison to be alone with his addiction and to endure the self-induced punishment he feels he deserves for his wrong choices. In doing so he will lose his friends, family, and loved ones. One addict said, "I was using my addiction like a wall nobody could break."
He will attract, and be drawn to, an "Enabler"; a person who will feed the addict's addictions and give him reasons to continue his addictions. The enabler will usually lack self-esteem as well, and may have been abused in his/her childhood also, so will feed the addict's addictions as a way to feel empowered thru controlling and abusing the addict. So the enabler will often use that as bait by convincing the addict that they need each other and should remain together.
The enabler might be a drug dealer, family member, or even a spouse. One addict had married a woman who had been a drug dealer because she supplied him with drugs, money, sex, and children as a way to control and keep him. The enabler will use whatever she finds is the addict's weakness. To keep him in her life she will use his addictions as tools to manipulate and control him.
One addict said, "In my twenties I had an affair with an older married woman. I was in my twenties and she knew I liked sex. She gave me money like a gigolo and she was a drug dealer. She ended up getting pregnant by me so she wanted me to marry her. She divorced her husband and I married her because I wanted to do 'the right thing'. If she had not gotten pregnant I would never have married her. After I got her pregnant she said I could not have sex with her again until I married her so I did, even though my mother did not approve of her. After we married she said to trust her that she knew how not to get pregnant. She watched her cycle instead of using birth control. But she kept getting pregnant so she had 3 children from me."
The enabler enjoys the feeling of empowerment thru controlling the addict and lowering his self-esteem, and the addict will willingly give her control and allow her to make all his choices in life so he can avoid blame and responsibility for his choices. This lifts his fear of failure. Instead he will blame her and she will blame him. He will allow her to play the parental role, punishing him when he feels "bad", which the enabler will use to control and keep the addict.
The addict will also behave like a rebellious child purposely in a desperate attempt to get attention and a false sense of "love" from the enabler. One addict who admitted to doing this said, "Even bad attention is still attention.". Another addict who had recovered from his "mommy addiction" said, "I would rebel and hope my wife would leave me so I would want her back more." He admitted liking the challenge but after years of marriage he said he missed having freedom and making his own choices in his life so he divorced his controlling "mommy" wife. Another addict who had recovered from an eating disorder said, "A grown man who behaves like a rebellious child in public, (such as in movie theatres and on buses and trains) obviously has addictions because an addict will do this to increase the endorphin rush to the brain and will feel the need to top it more so each time (similar to needing stronger marijuana)."
One recovered alcoholic in his 70's said, "This partnership of addict and enabler will feed off of each other's negative energy."
They will fight often and escalate the arguments into major fights to justify feeding the addiction and so needing each other to continue this cycle of abuse and addiction. To remain with his enabler he has an excuse to do his addictions because of the abuse he endures from her. Thus the "enabler" wife eventually assumes next the role of the "provoker".
The enabler will imprison him, keeping him away from his friends and family, even moving him often, usually to remote rural areas, far away from those who might help him. One addict complained his enabler wife moved him and their kids often and he disliked constantly moving but he allowed her this control over his life regardless. The enabler will also control the addict's money, income, ID, passports, education, knowledge of law, computer access, and even what TV shows and movies he watches in fear he might increase his confidence and be influenced to leave her.
The enabler will also use threats to keep the addict. These might include threats of:
-Suicide.
-Illness or hospitalization.
-Hurting him or herself or the kids.
-Leaving him.
-Taking off with his children (kidnapping).
-Preventing or controlling access to his kids.
-Placing his children in foster homes.
-Replacing him with a "better" husband/father for his kids.
-Lying to his kids (ie: "Dad does not love/want you.")
-Lying to him about what his kids feel (ie: "They will not want to come live with you.")
-Using his kids as a ploy to keep him (ie: "If you want your kids you must come back home to be with ME.")
-God, religion (ie: "God wants us together", "God wants... this/that.").
-Becoming a lesbian.
-Sexual obligations.
-Money obligations.
-Parental obligations.
-Calling him names.
-Making him feel selfish, guilty, and uncaring if he leaves her.
-Telling him he may as well remain with her because his new relationship with a new woman will only fail.
-Low self-esteem in herself, so he will be made to feel that they deserve each other, that he does not deserve someone better; such as another woman of higher standards. She might also call herself names such as "loser, ugly, pathetic, useless, stupid, nobody", etc.
Sadly, the addict might mistake and misinterpret these manipulative and desperate threats for control as being loved, wanted, and needed by the enabler.
One recovered alcoholic in his 70's said, "A marriage must be built on a strong foundation, otherwise it is destined for self-destruction. It is only a matter of time."
This is even more so if children are being raised in such a family. This cycle of abuse and addiction will most often continue into the children's future as well. The children will lack self-esteem and when they reach their teens they too might follow in their parents footsteps, either becoming an addict or an abuser, assuming it is the correct role of an adult. They too might turn to cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, theft, arguing with and swearing at their parents, and running away from home. Resentment will build up in them after witnessing the abuse between their parents; the addict and the enabler.
One addict's four children began experiencing problems when they neared their teen years such as crying often, low self-esteem, arguing and swearing at the mother (the enabler), taking off away from home to avoid her, getting low grades in school and then quitting school, stealing, doing drugs, getting arrested, and preferring to move far away from home to live with other adults rather than with her. She of course used these problems as a guilt threat to blame the addict for these problems saying it happened because he left her and the kids. The addict instead wisely realized, "Her ability to properly take care of the children is not there." Although sadly the threat and blame eventually worked and he returned to her.
The addict will reach a point when he cannot take anymore abuse and he will leave the enabler/abuser. Sometimes only in an effort to get attention from his abuser, hoping she will chase after him to show her love so the addict will feel assured she does love him. But when he finally realizes the truth, that the love is not real and the relationship was based on weakness, insecurities, control, and abuse, then he will resist returning. At this point the abuser will use more drastic threats and convincing manipulations to try to get the addict to return to her.
When the addict meets someone who sincerely loves him and offers him freedom, choice, true happiness, and real love, he will often doubt it and like one addict he will ask, "Why me? I don't deserve you. Why do you like me? What is there to like about me?" Since he has low self-esteem he will feel a good woman is too good for him. He will fear not being able to live up to her expectations. So he might run from real love.
One addict said, "I worry I will ruin us." and "I have a fear of love. Why do I fear love?". Him feeling this way is understandable because he had lived thru an abusive childhood and a 14 year marriage of control, manipulation, and abuse.
The addict might fear love so much that he might run from it even after expressing such feelings to his real love as this recovering addict said:
"You are my first real love."
"You are everything I have ever wanted in a woman."
"I have never been happier until now (that I've met you)."
"You saved my life!"
"You are my Guardian Angel."
"You are my only role-model."
"You are the one I want."
"I am going to make you my wife!"
"Home is where YOU are."
"Your ability to heal me is leaving me in awe."
"I realized that if after 37 years of hurt and not having true love in my life, she can heal me and pull me out of my addiction patterns (after only two months) then we together combined can do almost anything in healing my children when they get here. Because they are so much younger it will be fairly quick."
That addict left his abusive enabler wife and after 3 months away from her he missed his children so much that he was tempted to return to her and "suffer thru the marriage for the sake of my kids" so he could be with his kids again. But after meeting a woman who loved him sincerely and gave him real love he said to her, "You met me just in time!". For 4 months this new woman healed him of his addictions, gave him choices and freedom, and increased his confidence. After the first 2 months of his healing he had told his enabler wife he wanted a divorce and custody of his children. This enraged his enabler. In the 4th month of his healing his wife showed up in town with his children. He said she was using the children as a tool to convince him to return with her, so he chose to avoid her, deciding to see his children later on his own when he was ready and without his wife's influence. But one month later she showed up again and this time it worked. Upon seeing his children and her manipulation and promise that she will now try harder to love him, he chose to return with her so he could be with his children. He failed to recall his earlier words that he had already given her 14 years of marriage to change and she had not, and that after being together with his new woman for 5 months he had told his new woman, "I have no intention of ever returning to my ex (wife)". But possibly he was still fearful of divorce meaning "failure" rather than a door and opportunity to a new improved and better life. The new woman who he loved and left behind had noticed that when he left her to return with his wife that he smelled of marijuana, had that distant enstranged look in his eyes, and he behaved like a stranger, as though his wife had him drugged again. He also made many statements which showed he had given his enabler wife total control over him again.
Luckily, most addicts will eventually come to realization and enlightenment before it is too late. He will see that the paths and partner he chose had only led to destruction. He had assumed he had given up all of his choices to become the responsibility of his enabler where as he had actually chosen to, so he had in fact made choices after all. He had chosen to do his addictions, to give up his power to an enabler to control him, and to marry an inappropriate person to be his partner, wife, and mother of his children.
One addict said, "I am having a revelation on the true face of my addiction. I am realizing how my addiction had control over me." As for how he felt about his enabler wife, he said, "No more disrespecting soul-sucker. I need to let go of her idle threats so I don't give those threats power over me."
Having to make important choices in his life will be new, unknown, and possibly at times frightening to him, but he will now be willing to take such exciting risks rather than to continue the old pattern of a downward spiral of self-destruction. He will enjoy the feeling that freedom and choice gives him. He will no longer allow his enabler or any other person to control his life.
One addict said, "Death of (my ex's) power she held over my life. Death of the power that pot and alcohol held over my life. A new life begins and a change in me is here. Time will give me that power back. Time will heal me. (My ex) chose to manipulate my life and I chose to give her my power. She chose me because of my weakness."
Sadly some addicts might remain stubborn and refuse to change their path in life and will instead prefer their life of lies and denial, and so they will live a life full of regrets. As one recovered alcoholic in his 70's said, "Some never learn to change." But those who are wise will realize now it is time for them to make better choices.
One addict in his 60's was forced into recovery from marijuana, cocaine, and alcohol because of having to serve an 8 year jail sentence for dealing cocaine. He said, "The drugs had fogged my mind and I was in denial and lied to myself and those around me. After being off my addictions a whole new world opened up to me. I noticed great things I never saw before."
An addict in his 30's said, "My life is taking a new direction. Going on a different path than it was before. Soon a new voyage to a new destination."
Memory will also be restored. As one recovering addict said, "I am regaining all of my previously lost memory."
"The power that comes from being clean and healthy will be mine again!"
Real love and true happiness will give him a feeling of bliss and joy that no drug ever gave him. One addict said, "A true happy life is on it's way, a real deep down happy." Happiness will be real and sincere, unlike the false sense of happiness he felt thru his denial while on drugs or alcohol. As one addict put it, "No more lying to myself!".
"I have to be less selfish and give my new love what she needs to feel loved by me in return. So far life has been about what I want because of my addictions. Now things must balance out more so. With a lack of balance I feel my new relationship depends on primarily her love for me. I worry I will ruin us."
His fear of failure will be replaced with the realization that an effort to TRY TRY AGAIN always leads to eventual success.
"I will need strength and faith in myself to overcome the obstacles put before me and my new love."
When one addict told a man he met at a BBQ about his new love who was helping him heal from his addictions, the man informed him, "People who care and help others are rare in this world, so if someone throws you a life-line you reach out and grab it and hold on with both hands!"
After continuously choosing "The Fool" and "The Hanged Man" in his tarot card psychic readings, one recovering addict said to himself, "You've got the world. Don't be a fool and go backwards to where you were!"
In his new world of reality he will see joys he had blocked out before with his fantasy world of make-believe. By being in control of his life by making his own choices, and feeling strong, confident, happy, and loved he is now safe and so has no reason to put up a wall to protect himself from the world he had felt so uncertain about before.
He will now gain:
Respect
Jobs
Money
Success
Confidence
Better friends
Family
Real love
Health
Energy
Labito
Memory
Focus
Decrease in Mood Swings
It is important for the recovering addict to replace the desire for addictions with healthy alternatives, such as: real love, a better partner in life, better friends, self-esteem counselling and reading, AA meetings, exercise, healthy foods, meditation, hugs, kisses, and fun healthy entertainment.
One recovering addict said, "I need to tell everyone I know that I have quit pot and alcohol. This will develop my support. Cannot hang around people who don't support me quitting, until I grow enough to help them out of it."
One recovering addict wrote these helpful lists:
You have the ability to change your future and shape your destiny; it is all in the choices YOU make today.
All you need is LOVE.
Copyright © November 26, 2010 Oracle Laura of AddictionRecoverySupport.blogspot.com
Contact me at OracleLaura.com
Soon after other issues will become a part of their life and patterns will form involving lying and denial so he can continue his addictions. One recovering addict said, "I realized I was in complete denial. I am tired of being seen as a liar. Memories of my distant past showed me I have been doing lies for a long time. I am worried about the real love I found with my new woman being lost and the lies controlling me and steering me away from this great love."
The addict's insecurities could increase to include a fear a love, feeling he does not deserve happiness and love, doubt, paranoia, lack of trust, selfishness, refusal to admit his addiction and to accept blame for his bad choices, fear of success, and a fear of failure. One recovering addict admitted to being afraid to try recovering again because he feared "failing" at it again. He did not understand that there is never any failure in effort and trying.
The addict will shut himself away in his self-made prison to be alone with his addiction and to endure the self-induced punishment he feels he deserves for his wrong choices. In doing so he will lose his friends, family, and loved ones. One addict said, "I was using my addiction like a wall nobody could break."
He will attract, and be drawn to, an "Enabler"; a person who will feed the addict's addictions and give him reasons to continue his addictions. The enabler will usually lack self-esteem as well, and may have been abused in his/her childhood also, so will feed the addict's addictions as a way to feel empowered thru controlling and abusing the addict. So the enabler will often use that as bait by convincing the addict that they need each other and should remain together.
The enabler might be a drug dealer, family member, or even a spouse. One addict had married a woman who had been a drug dealer because she supplied him with drugs, money, sex, and children as a way to control and keep him. The enabler will use whatever she finds is the addict's weakness. To keep him in her life she will use his addictions as tools to manipulate and control him.
One addict said, "In my twenties I had an affair with an older married woman. I was in my twenties and she knew I liked sex. She gave me money like a gigolo and she was a drug dealer. She ended up getting pregnant by me so she wanted me to marry her. She divorced her husband and I married her because I wanted to do 'the right thing'. If she had not gotten pregnant I would never have married her. After I got her pregnant she said I could not have sex with her again until I married her so I did, even though my mother did not approve of her. After we married she said to trust her that she knew how not to get pregnant. She watched her cycle instead of using birth control. But she kept getting pregnant so she had 3 children from me."
The enabler enjoys the feeling of empowerment thru controlling the addict and lowering his self-esteem, and the addict will willingly give her control and allow her to make all his choices in life so he can avoid blame and responsibility for his choices. This lifts his fear of failure. Instead he will blame her and she will blame him. He will allow her to play the parental role, punishing him when he feels "bad", which the enabler will use to control and keep the addict.
The addict will also behave like a rebellious child purposely in a desperate attempt to get attention and a false sense of "love" from the enabler. One addict who admitted to doing this said, "Even bad attention is still attention.". Another addict who had recovered from his "mommy addiction" said, "I would rebel and hope my wife would leave me so I would want her back more." He admitted liking the challenge but after years of marriage he said he missed having freedom and making his own choices in his life so he divorced his controlling "mommy" wife. Another addict who had recovered from an eating disorder said, "A grown man who behaves like a rebellious child in public, (such as in movie theatres and on buses and trains) obviously has addictions because an addict will do this to increase the endorphin rush to the brain and will feel the need to top it more so each time (similar to needing stronger marijuana)."
One recovered alcoholic in his 70's said, "This partnership of addict and enabler will feed off of each other's negative energy."
They will fight often and escalate the arguments into major fights to justify feeding the addiction and so needing each other to continue this cycle of abuse and addiction. To remain with his enabler he has an excuse to do his addictions because of the abuse he endures from her. Thus the "enabler" wife eventually assumes next the role of the "provoker".
The enabler will imprison him, keeping him away from his friends and family, even moving him often, usually to remote rural areas, far away from those who might help him. One addict complained his enabler wife moved him and their kids often and he disliked constantly moving but he allowed her this control over his life regardless. The enabler will also control the addict's money, income, ID, passports, education, knowledge of law, computer access, and even what TV shows and movies he watches in fear he might increase his confidence and be influenced to leave her.
The enabler will also use threats to keep the addict. These might include threats of:
-Suicide.
-Illness or hospitalization.
-Hurting him or herself or the kids.
-Leaving him.
-Taking off with his children (kidnapping).
-Preventing or controlling access to his kids.
-Placing his children in foster homes.
-Replacing him with a "better" husband/father for his kids.
-Lying to his kids (ie: "Dad does not love/want you.")
-Lying to him about what his kids feel (ie: "They will not want to come live with you.")
-Using his kids as a ploy to keep him (ie: "If you want your kids you must come back home to be with ME.")
-God, religion (ie: "God wants us together", "God wants... this/that.").
-Becoming a lesbian.
-Sexual obligations.
-Money obligations.
-Parental obligations.
-Calling him names.
-Making him feel selfish, guilty, and uncaring if he leaves her.
-Telling him he may as well remain with her because his new relationship with a new woman will only fail.
-Low self-esteem in herself, so he will be made to feel that they deserve each other, that he does not deserve someone better; such as another woman of higher standards. She might also call herself names such as "loser, ugly, pathetic, useless, stupid, nobody", etc.
Sadly, the addict might mistake and misinterpret these manipulative and desperate threats for control as being loved, wanted, and needed by the enabler.
One recovered alcoholic in his 70's said, "A marriage must be built on a strong foundation, otherwise it is destined for self-destruction. It is only a matter of time."
This is even more so if children are being raised in such a family. This cycle of abuse and addiction will most often continue into the children's future as well. The children will lack self-esteem and when they reach their teens they too might follow in their parents footsteps, either becoming an addict or an abuser, assuming it is the correct role of an adult. They too might turn to cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, theft, arguing with and swearing at their parents, and running away from home. Resentment will build up in them after witnessing the abuse between their parents; the addict and the enabler.
One addict's four children began experiencing problems when they neared their teen years such as crying often, low self-esteem, arguing and swearing at the mother (the enabler), taking off away from home to avoid her, getting low grades in school and then quitting school, stealing, doing drugs, getting arrested, and preferring to move far away from home to live with other adults rather than with her. She of course used these problems as a guilt threat to blame the addict for these problems saying it happened because he left her and the kids. The addict instead wisely realized, "Her ability to properly take care of the children is not there." Although sadly the threat and blame eventually worked and he returned to her.
The addict will reach a point when he cannot take anymore abuse and he will leave the enabler/abuser. Sometimes only in an effort to get attention from his abuser, hoping she will chase after him to show her love so the addict will feel assured she does love him. But when he finally realizes the truth, that the love is not real and the relationship was based on weakness, insecurities, control, and abuse, then he will resist returning. At this point the abuser will use more drastic threats and convincing manipulations to try to get the addict to return to her.
When the addict meets someone who sincerely loves him and offers him freedom, choice, true happiness, and real love, he will often doubt it and like one addict he will ask, "Why me? I don't deserve you. Why do you like me? What is there to like about me?" Since he has low self-esteem he will feel a good woman is too good for him. He will fear not being able to live up to her expectations. So he might run from real love.
One addict said, "I worry I will ruin us." and "I have a fear of love. Why do I fear love?". Him feeling this way is understandable because he had lived thru an abusive childhood and a 14 year marriage of control, manipulation, and abuse.
The addict might fear love so much that he might run from it even after expressing such feelings to his real love as this recovering addict said:
"You are my first real love."
"You are everything I have ever wanted in a woman."
"I have never been happier until now (that I've met you)."
"You saved my life!"
"You are my Guardian Angel."
"You are my only role-model."
"You are the one I want."
"I am going to make you my wife!"
"Home is where YOU are."
"Your ability to heal me is leaving me in awe."
"I realized that if after 37 years of hurt and not having true love in my life, she can heal me and pull me out of my addiction patterns (after only two months) then we together combined can do almost anything in healing my children when they get here. Because they are so much younger it will be fairly quick."
That addict left his abusive enabler wife and after 3 months away from her he missed his children so much that he was tempted to return to her and "suffer thru the marriage for the sake of my kids" so he could be with his kids again. But after meeting a woman who loved him sincerely and gave him real love he said to her, "You met me just in time!". For 4 months this new woman healed him of his addictions, gave him choices and freedom, and increased his confidence. After the first 2 months of his healing he had told his enabler wife he wanted a divorce and custody of his children. This enraged his enabler. In the 4th month of his healing his wife showed up in town with his children. He said she was using the children as a tool to convince him to return with her, so he chose to avoid her, deciding to see his children later on his own when he was ready and without his wife's influence. But one month later she showed up again and this time it worked. Upon seeing his children and her manipulation and promise that she will now try harder to love him, he chose to return with her so he could be with his children. He failed to recall his earlier words that he had already given her 14 years of marriage to change and she had not, and that after being together with his new woman for 5 months he had told his new woman, "I have no intention of ever returning to my ex (wife)". But possibly he was still fearful of divorce meaning "failure" rather than a door and opportunity to a new improved and better life. The new woman who he loved and left behind had noticed that when he left her to return with his wife that he smelled of marijuana, had that distant enstranged look in his eyes, and he behaved like a stranger, as though his wife had him drugged again. He also made many statements which showed he had given his enabler wife total control over him again.
Luckily, most addicts will eventually come to realization and enlightenment before it is too late. He will see that the paths and partner he chose had only led to destruction. He had assumed he had given up all of his choices to become the responsibility of his enabler where as he had actually chosen to, so he had in fact made choices after all. He had chosen to do his addictions, to give up his power to an enabler to control him, and to marry an inappropriate person to be his partner, wife, and mother of his children.
One addict said, "I am having a revelation on the true face of my addiction. I am realizing how my addiction had control over me." As for how he felt about his enabler wife, he said, "No more disrespecting soul-sucker. I need to let go of her idle threats so I don't give those threats power over me."
Having to make important choices in his life will be new, unknown, and possibly at times frightening to him, but he will now be willing to take such exciting risks rather than to continue the old pattern of a downward spiral of self-destruction. He will enjoy the feeling that freedom and choice gives him. He will no longer allow his enabler or any other person to control his life.
One addict said, "Death of (my ex's) power she held over my life. Death of the power that pot and alcohol held over my life. A new life begins and a change in me is here. Time will give me that power back. Time will heal me. (My ex) chose to manipulate my life and I chose to give her my power. She chose me because of my weakness."
Sadly some addicts might remain stubborn and refuse to change their path in life and will instead prefer their life of lies and denial, and so they will live a life full of regrets. As one recovered alcoholic in his 70's said, "Some never learn to change." But those who are wise will realize now it is time for them to make better choices.
One addict in his 60's was forced into recovery from marijuana, cocaine, and alcohol because of having to serve an 8 year jail sentence for dealing cocaine. He said, "The drugs had fogged my mind and I was in denial and lied to myself and those around me. After being off my addictions a whole new world opened up to me. I noticed great things I never saw before."
An addict in his 30's said, "My life is taking a new direction. Going on a different path than it was before. Soon a new voyage to a new destination."
Memory will also be restored. As one recovering addict said, "I am regaining all of my previously lost memory."
"The power that comes from being clean and healthy will be mine again!"
Real love and true happiness will give him a feeling of bliss and joy that no drug ever gave him. One addict said, "A true happy life is on it's way, a real deep down happy." Happiness will be real and sincere, unlike the false sense of happiness he felt thru his denial while on drugs or alcohol. As one addict put it, "No more lying to myself!".
"I have to be less selfish and give my new love what she needs to feel loved by me in return. So far life has been about what I want because of my addictions. Now things must balance out more so. With a lack of balance I feel my new relationship depends on primarily her love for me. I worry I will ruin us."
His fear of failure will be replaced with the realization that an effort to TRY TRY AGAIN always leads to eventual success.
"I will need strength and faith in myself to overcome the obstacles put before me and my new love."
When one addict told a man he met at a BBQ about his new love who was helping him heal from his addictions, the man informed him, "People who care and help others are rare in this world, so if someone throws you a life-line you reach out and grab it and hold on with both hands!"
After continuously choosing "The Fool" and "The Hanged Man" in his tarot card psychic readings, one recovering addict said to himself, "You've got the world. Don't be a fool and go backwards to where you were!"
In his new world of reality he will see joys he had blocked out before with his fantasy world of make-believe. By being in control of his life by making his own choices, and feeling strong, confident, happy, and loved he is now safe and so has no reason to put up a wall to protect himself from the world he had felt so uncertain about before.
He will now gain:
Respect
Jobs
Money
Success
Confidence
Better friends
Family
Real love
Health
Energy
Labito
Memory
Focus
Decrease in Mood Swings
It is important for the recovering addict to replace the desire for addictions with healthy alternatives, such as: real love, a better partner in life, better friends, self-esteem counselling and reading, AA meetings, exercise, healthy foods, meditation, hugs, kisses, and fun healthy entertainment.
One recovering addict said, "I need to tell everyone I know that I have quit pot and alcohol. This will develop my support. Cannot hang around people who don't support me quitting, until I grow enough to help them out of it."
One recovering addict wrote these helpful lists:
Advantages of Marijuana
|
Disadvantages of Marijuana
|
| Focus on my artwork. | Health; Breathing. |
| Feels brain numbing. | Memory loss. |
| Socialize. | Selfishness. |
| Exercise is more fun. | Avoidance of human contact. |
| The world looks different. | Edgyness on come down. |
| More psychic. | Lots of money up in smoke. |
| Takes the edge off life. | Bad example for people around me. |
| Lots of cool people do it. | Loss of dreams. |
| Helps to forget the pain it takes to do artwork for hours & hours. | Scatter Brained. |
| Doesn't hurt the body. | Gateway for other things; Drugs & alcohol. |
| Helps me to excel at my art. | No reproduction for my new love. She will not have a baby with me. She will also be forced to leave me. |
| Look like a bit of a bad ass (attitude). | Keeps me from achieving. |
| Withdrawals. Tiredness. | |
| Very grumpy. | |
| Pot pot ahead of all things. Eventually want more & more. | |
| My kids will follow my lead. | |
| Reputation as an artist will be very tarnished. | |
| Leads to gambling and the bar life. | |
| Can't work without it. Get too aggitated. | |
| Eventually even family will get tired of me. | |
| Brings emotional pain (arguments). |
Advantages of Alcohol
|
Disadvantages of Alcohol
|
| Feels good. | Sleep becomes dependant on drinking. |
| Make friends easily. | Loss of memory. |
| Everything is interesting. | Loss of money. |
| Frees my mind. | Family will get tired of me. |
| Takes the edge off. | Hangovers. |
| Body gets old very fast. | |
| People take advantage. | |
| Never get to hold my head high. Always embarrassed. | |
| Fight with and push away the ones I love. | |
| Blackout when in excess. | |
| Smoke more pot and smokes. | |
| Loss of close friends. | |
| Lose all rights as a person, ie: license, homeowner, savings. | |
| Kids follow my example. | |
| Withdrawals get worse. |
Healthy Alternatives
|
| Love |
| Sports |
| Tennis |
| Golf |
| Weightlifting |
| Hiking |
| Running |
| Biking |
| Soccer |
| Boardgames |
| Watching movies |
| Eating |
| Walking |
| Camping |
| Badminton |
| Squash |
| Volleyball |
| Pool |
| Swimming |
| Yoga |
| Dancing |
| Long elevator rides with my new love. |
All you need is LOVE.
Copyright © November 26, 2010 Oracle Laura of AddictionRecoverySupport.blogspot.com
Contact me at OracleLaura.com
